Our last meeting

Ok, so I'm sorry its taken me a little while to write about the last meeting in part its because there was SOOOO much to process and well sorry to say not to much to tell! I know that doesn't sound right but.... its the truth! We learned some things that are confidential, and the other stuff Im just not to sure what say about it. Let me give you a picture though of how it went. We got there a little early so we waited in a government office and those of you that are familiar with the setting know that there is no being comfortable and at ease! Next a couple walk in and tell the receptionist that they are there for a meeting for THEIR boys ________ and ______________...my heart started going about a million miles an hour and thoughts started flying through my head, and I thought about just being quite and waiting for the meeting but then I opted to be myself and open my big mouth. And so I simply asked so your here for BIP for the boys eh? And the man said yes and were guessing you guys are the ones that want to adopt them and charlie said yes. And they introduced them selves as the foster parents and said that they were scared and excited for the boys, and the questions and thoughts in my head just started to go.......why are you not adopting them? Are you going to change your minds and end up hurting us? What should I say and not say to you? I had know stinken Idea you were going to be here! I wish we were properly prepared for this meeting if only our case worker would have told me I would be meeting the women that has been raising my sons for the past two years!Of course thats all in the inside on the out side was a calm smile and polite talk about the weather.

shortly after we went into our meeting, including our selves there was 12 people around this huge table there was brief intros, and then the boy's therapist began the run down of the list of issues and qualities that each of the boys have most we had heard before and some where a little bit of a surprise

I have to say the only thing that continues to bother me is that they so bluntly said THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ADOPTED. They think that the home they are in is there home and that their foster parents are their parents.... My heart broke.Doubts started to come and then... I stopped thinking about my self and my dreams and started to think about the boys and the dreams they have already lost and realized that what they are feeling is a good thing and its ok. They have ATTACHED to some one! Thats a good thing! And I remebered all that Charlie and I have been through and that The Lord has been so faithful to bring us through and that HE is the one that changes hearts and that my job as their future mother is to be in prayer for the hearts of my children and that is what I am doing and where I am at. We are praying daily for our boys and trusting that God will work in their little hearts and help them to get through what is going to be a really hard time for all of us. I remane excited and long for the day to have to them home.

We have two more meetings in april one on 19th and then the next day on the 20th

trying to prepare

So I keep trying to prepare my self for our meeting tomorrow and I cant even figure out how! Usually i kinda visualize different sinarios and how I might respond and nope cant do it! Its funny Im at a complete loss on how to prepare for any of this and I am really fighting feeling of fear, panick and nausia. I know this is in the Lords hands Im just having a hard time laying it at his feet!

Please pray for peace, wisdom and discernment.

Best interest placement = more waiting

Wait on the Lord Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say on the Lord. Palms 27:14.
OK so we have a big meeting coming up its a week from tomorrow "3-24-10", basically its a chance for all of the kids workers to meet us and get a good feel for us to see if we are the same people in person that we are on paper! Plus to make sure that our personalities are a good thing for the boys. If everything gos well at that meeting we will have a full disclosure meeting within 2 weeks after that, and then we have have to take a min of 72 hours and a max of two weeks to make our final decision to move forward with the adoption during that time we are suppose to be calling teachers and therapists and a whole list that they will give us to get a better idea about who these kids really are. If we decide to continue after that, and I am pretty confident we will unless the Lord totally reveals something to us, then we will work on getting them home, they said it should be about a month long process of visits, phone calls and yes as always waiting:). This has not been easy in fact its been down right hard, and there has been so many fears and worries and things that come up in everyday life that really at times can make me doubt that this will ever happen, but at the same time with every doubt and fear God has been so faithful to remind me of His grace, love and mercy! He has truly been revealing Himself to me as my father and I am so thankful for that!

Yesterday we had the opportunity to go to joy junction and serve the homeless! I have to say it was kinda rough, Charlie and I have both been there a couple of times before and for some reason it was harder, it just seemed darker. I was so saddened by a little girl who told me that her daddy and brother were not there with her,because he had his own house and she and her mother and sister had to stay there at the shelter by themselves! It broke my heart. We put on a skit and puppet show for the kiddos as well as had a little message and looking out at the people they were so hardened and hurt. One of the blessing though was this women who came up and asked for prayer for herself she asked if we would pray that she would stay strong and not go back to the wrong tipe of people and stay away from drugs, she also rededicated her life and that was so awesome I was thrilled for her but also new she had a long road ahead of her!

I think that one of the reasons it was hard for charlie and I is being that we are adopting from foster care there is a very real possibility that our children's parents, or some one from there family could have been there. It just made the reality of where our kids are coming from so real.