He's hard to handle lets drug him.......

Months before and ever since the boys came home Charlie and I did a TON of research about medication, because unfortunately 42 percent of all the kids in care are on 3 or MORE mood altering drugs.

I take issue with this, and I have for a while, but then when it becomes your child that is being put on these drugs it becomes a far more personal conviction. You feel bad when you hear of a family in a car crash but when its your own its very different!

When we first got our full disclosure on the boys we read all of the meds that they were on I was so SICK when I read it. Seriously the selfishness and neglect that went into there diagnosis's is outrageous. For starters our 4yr old at the time was on a blood pressure medication............. It was being used as a trial for anxiety and also he was on an adhd medication the label on the bottle said not to use on children under 5 he had been on it for a year and a half. My 7yr old at the time was on ADHD medication and abilify first of all the adhd meds have been banned in canada because over 10 children have died suddenly on this drug. However the FDA has found no cause to discontinue the drug. The abilfy was prescribed because after raising the dose to 3 times the recommended dose of the adhd meds he was still "acting out" in school so clearly he needed an adult antiphychotic...........

Once the boys moved in we immediately went to work on getting Jason off of his meds and CJ off of the Abilfy, before you freak or criticize we were under the close supervision of a therapist and pediatrician, we had to slowly ween cj off because to just stop a drug like that can actuall cause a person to loose it!

Once off Jason thrived in every way emotionally, mentally, physically in fact he grew so fast we had to buy all new cloths, one side effect of these drugs is they severely stunt your growth. He had NO reason to be on adhd meds in fact over all he is pretty calm for a little boy and the anxiety was not bad enough for an adult blood pressure medication.

CJ poor baby, after taking him off of his adhd meds we saw him dramaticly calm down, not suppose to happen when being taken off an adhd med but it did and that happened because even though he was seeing a psychologist twice a week and being closely monitored the meds were acting as a stimulate so every time they increased it he got even worse and to counter act it he was given the abilify which the side effect of the drugs are anger, aggression, and possibly severe mood swings. Exactly what the foster parents complained about...more could be said however Im holding back......

Im writing this for a couple of reasons one is because Im passionate about getting our foster children off of these drugs, two I wanted to share our experience with this first hand, and three to share that there truly are other resources for our kids that truly do have ADHD. When we started to ween CJ off of his meds we got him a NATURAL supplement call kidalin. Its a life saver!! It has a variety of different herbs that work to together to help with the symptoms of adhd, but on top of that it works on rewiring the brain and fixing the reasons that children have adhd. That's whats so exciting . What people need to realize is that mood altering drugs are only treating symptoms not the problem. This treats the problem and I am telling you it works. We not only were able to get the kid to sit still but he is not as edgy with his attitude! And with Jason most of his anxiety has gone but when he is having some trouble some chamomile or catnip helps a lot too. And of course along with the herbs there is prayer, love guidance, structure, and discipline and all of that working together has made the difference.

I am in NO way saying just take your kids or loved ones off of any medication. Like I said before we were under close supervision of dr.s and we did it slowly. We absolutely know that in some cases medication is the best option for some individuals.

What I am saying is there is a serious problem with our foster care system, school system, and pediatric system when the first choice is to put a child on a sedative instead of first trying to use patience, prayer discipline and love!

Thanksgiving pictures

We had a great thanksgiving this year! We had so much to be thankful for! Our amazing boys and precious niece! Just to name a couple!

Our Adoption Day

I know that it has been forever since my last post and I really want to get better....

For those of you that dont know yet, the boys have had a name change. We originally were only going to change their middle names but CJ "Robert" Talked to us and told us that he really wanted to change his first name to Charlie after his papa, needless to say we were touched and so proud and so after trying out for a while he still wanted to stick with it and so his full name is : Charles James LeBlanc And Jason "Enrique" We told him that we wanted to make his middle name Jason and before we could finish talking he explained it has to be my first name!!! Jason is Charlies middle name and he so wanted to be named after his papa aswell. What was amazing is that we talked with them seperately and right after one another so they had no time to talk about it. So Jasons full name is: Jason David LeBlanc.

Thursday was our Adoption day and it was wonderful!! I simply cannot believe the reliefe that we all felt right away! Its as if I we were holding our breath for 5 months and we could finaly breath again after court.Right after court we took the boys to build a bear work shop we had a great time it was the perfect activity for us to do as a new family! Afterwards we spent some time at home resting and then later that night we had a big party at peter piper pizza with so many of the people that have loved and supported us, the boys had such a fun time! It was awesome!

Since then things have been really good always a little crazy with two energetic boys but over all its been great!

The following is a letter that we wrote to the boys about how we feel about them and what this process as been like!

Our Journey as a family started years and years ago when God started developing a heart for adoption in both poppa and mom. When papa and mom got together we started talking about a family and what we wanted and both of us said we wanted to adopt. So we prayed and prayed for a few years. Mom was always on the computer looking at all the little kids that needed a home and while all of them made us sad and made us want to help, you boys were the only ones that grabbed our hearts. We loved you and wanted you the first time we saw your amazing smiles and beautiful eyes. We HAD to know more about you, and so our journey began. There was so many people that cared about you and what happened to you. They all wanted to make sure that we were the right ones for you so we had a long journey of people getting to know us and making sure that we could do the very important job of being your forever mommy and daddy. One day we got a phone call saying that they think we are the ones for you!!! That was the MOST important call we ever got both mom and papa cried because we were so happy to know that you were going to be our babies. Both papa and mama remember the first time we met you! We were so nervous and scared because we wanted you to like us... We just couldn’t believe how amazing you both were! All we wanted to do that day was to hold you and hug you and kiss you!!! But we had to wait cause you didn’t know us that well yet.

We know that you were scared, mad, and a little excited when you first met us, and it was really hard for papa and mom to see you guys having a hard time we wanted to take away all of your hurts and make it all better!

So we all started our journey as a family, we had visits and getting to know each other time, and then the BIG day came when you came home.....What a day that was It was filled with lots of emotions for all of us. I can tell you that papa and mom did not sleep that night we were to excited to have our boys home.

It has been a long journey for all of us already and our lives together have just started, we have good days and bad days we have had happy times and sad times, we have been through Lots of things that a family gos through in the short time we have been together, we have seen a wedding in our family, we have seen a very important family member pass away and been sad together and we have welcomed in a beautiful baby into our family together. What an amazing blessing to have gone through so much together already. God has truly blessed our little family.

So we are at another really big day today! We are legal today according to the law you are our boys, but I will tell you this in our hearts you have always been ours we have always loved you and we always will!

We will still have good and bad days and we will still have to work hard on being a family but we will always be there for each other and we will always love each other!

You boys are the most precious things in our lives and you have truly blessed our lives more then you can ever know!

We love you both with all of hearts!
Papa and mom

Happy Birthday CJ!

Words cant even describe how much we love this boy and what a blessing he is to our whole family!! He is 8 today and very excited and I have to say while im excited to be celebrating his birthday Im a little sad to. I would almost prefer that they just stay little for while so we can see even more of there child hood! Thats one of the really hard parts of adoption. Is the loss you feel for there past! But even so I am still feeled with joy because of my sons and so thrilled to be celebrating the birth of my son!

Our day out hiking

playing catch up!

Wow! Man has it been a while since I last posted!!!!! During our visitations with boys there was literally no time! And then I became a full time mom and well as all of you moms are guessing theres even less time now!lol What a whirl wind it has been I cant even believe that my babies are home.... seriously it doesn't seem possible or real. Something we have praying about and for since Charlie and I got married is now our reality, and we love it! The last week of visitations were terrible I mean had me at the point of tears every night wondering if this was ever something that we should have started. I know kinda scary considering we were a week out from being full time parents, and don't get me wrong we never stopped loving our sons, but the foster parents were making the entire situation a tad bit unbearable. They got so so jelouse and started undermining everything we were telling the boys and even getting mean with the boys. Honestly I'm not recovered from that week by any means and I am really trying to figure out how I am going to be able to allow visits between them and the boys really I don't know, if you think about it pray for our family in that area because any direction we take with this will have some hard things attached! Ok so now your all caught up on the stress Ill catch you up on the better stuff mostly that is! Starting Friday!!!! The morning still terrible lol I met the foster mom and the boys at a dr. appointment for Robert she had told me that it was just a 30 minute thing turned into a 31/2 hour thing!!!! Not fun it was for Roberts cleft pallet . On top of that she kept trying to act like I wasnt there and had no say knowing that from that day they were my sons...... still trying to get over that to! Any way I took them from there and we went and got ready for a candle ceremony at our home for the boys.All of there social workers, therapists, my family and the Fps were there. It went well. not going to lie there was some tension but we pulled threw. Since then the boys have been settling in quite well! We have had some testing, tough questions, more testing and alot of bonding, cuddling, and teaching! I am amazed at my boys they are totally responding to our love, correction and discipline! The pure joy it brings to my heart to heart to see our sons learn from what we tell them and then put it into practice later on in the day when things come up again. The Lord is blessing! Don't get me wrong Im exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes at the end of my rope but Im loving all of it!! Thanks again for all of the prayers and I will be trying to post some pics and updates a little more often!

Sunday went wonderful! The boys were great! We did have alot of testing and a couple of fits but we got through and overall just really enjoyed them! They had some times to really ask questions and they were just little checking in questions but still they were huge and they really touched my heart. Enrique asked if we were going to be their mom and dad and Robert asked if we are really excited and if our family was all really excited and we said of course! And then they excepted it. So many times I wanted to cry and hold them, and just do what a mom does! And while we are still excited about all that today was a little harder. We had a counseling session with Robert and he just totally shut down on curled up in a ball and covered his ears, he just didn't want to except any of it. He had told hi Foster dad in the car that yeah they are cool people but he doesn't feel ready to move he wants to stay at his home! A little hard to hear even though we know its natural and who wouldn't want that in their situation, but still just seeing his little heart hurting and him trying to cover it with defiance and "tough" attitude just broke my heart I wanted so desperately to put him in my arms and love on him and reassure him.

My heart is just a little heavy this evening as I think about our sons and the pain they are going through. We will be in continuous prayer for them and still longing every day to have them home!

It only gets easier from here!

It still amazes me how scared my husband and I can be of a 4 and 7 yr old! Charlie and I were very nervous, probably the most that we have ever been together. When we got there the therapist came and got us and put us in the waiting room by our selves and said that she wanted to get the boys into her office first, and told us that she thinks it will go ok, because telling the boys went ok. And She also said that from this point is only get easier! LOVED THAT! So we waited......Charlie and I just kinda paced the floor and made some small talk. She came back and got us and as we walked into the room both the boys were hiding and it really took alot to get them to come out and sit and talk, but the foster parents did get them and got them ok and sitting down. She told them our names and Robert remembered us from Sat. He didn't say so at first but after we played a game he talked about how he played with Charlie and the things that they did on Saturday. And then she directed us in asking questions little ones like whats your favorite color, actor, sports and we all answered Robert did kinda pick on charlie a little bit by saying that charlies foot ball team sucked things like that but over all he was good and asked questions on his owne. But the first question that he asked was and this is how he said it " ok I only have one question: when we live with you when we have bbqs can we invite them sometimes?" He was pointing at his foster parents and we said of course that they could come, and Robert said ok then I think I can live with you :). You can tell that Robert is excepting it in a way but it hasn’t full sunk in. Enrique was VERY shy but also sweet he didnt talk much but he did good. You could tell that he was pretty scared still but I think he will be just fine! She asked us all what we were scared of and Charlie said that he was scared of mean people and Robert just lit up explaining THATS WHAT SCARES ME! And So the therapist asked us Charlie and Chas are you mean people will you yell and scream at the boys and hit them hard when your angry? "Because thats all that they know of other people" and we said no of course not. And at that point you could see Robert just physically relax he was so stressed and worried that he was just going to get really mean parents, and all he wanted was some nice ones. Then she told Robert to ask us what was our jobs so he asked me and I said that my job was going to be to stay home with them and take care of them, and he was very shocked at this and kinda acted like he had never heard of such a thing, it seemed to make him happy! Enrique again was quite but was smiling alot. Then Robert asked Charlie and Charlie told him and how gos to school but he also does all of the "fixing stuff" where we live and then he asked Robert if he would like to help him some days, and Robert was just so siked and explained that he loves to paint and that he would do all the painting for him if he needed!!! It was awesome he was just so willing to help and wanted to be involved!

Charlie and I are just in awe of the Lord and Know that He has his hands on this. It seriously could have gone completely different for us the whole process could have gone so differently And The Lord has just been guiding and blessing. We are so excited and just cant wait to get our boys home. We know it wont always be easy but we also know that the Lord will be with us and take care of us! I cant even express how full my heart is of joy!

Again, Thank you thank you thank you for all of the prayers!

Our next meeting with them will be this Sunday at the foster parents house for a bbq :)

Its really real!

Last Saturday was awesome! We spent a good three hours with our boys just playing! It was wonderful. They didn't know that we are their parents but we did manage to break the ice with them and have a good time! I just simply loved watching them play and playing with them it was so hard not to touch them to much or get personal it was a very odd feeling looking into my sons eyes falling in love with them and them looking back at us as if we are just some people they met and are playing ball with, and really I know that is what we were in a since. But it really makes you wonder about how the Lord feels looking at us and watching us loving us so very much knowing what a wonderful plan he has for us while His children don’t know him don’t realize they have a father that loves them and has an amazing future for them!

We were told after that our oldest did ask " are those the people that want to adopt us?" And he was told that we are interested in adoption and in them but that nothing was decided. I hate that they were lied too...

On Tuesday we planned out the calendar, its so stinken crazy, but so exciting! We cant wait to be with them all the time. Last night was to me one of the biggest nights on the calendar even though we were not there. The boys were told last night about us and that they were going to now have a "forever family". I just keep praying for their little hearts that they are ok and that they are excepting this. I know its so hard on them and so so scary. The unknown can be terrifying really for all of us!

Tomorrow is the second biggest night at 5pm we will be introduced to them as their new parents!! Its hard for me to even write about it. Its huge and it is to me going to be one of the biggest scariest moments in mine and Charlies life. In my mind its similar to the birth of a child so excited and yet scary too. I guess for me its the fear of rejection. I know that their hearts wont be filled with joy like ours, and thats ok Im just really fearful that they will flat out refuse this process. So we are praying praying praying for all of the hearts involved that they would except us, and be open to us and that we would respond how we should and that i wont get to emotional. I know its really important that I hold it together and it will only be by the grace of God that I do.

After Friday they have Saturday to process it and then Sunday we are going to go to the foster parents house for a bbq and just hand out. And they there is about of month of visits, outings, meetings, training and then finally the goal date is June 11th the day our sons will come home to stay! I just loved when we were in the meeting making the calendar and Charlies hear our goal date he just lit up and was simply over joyed because his birthday is June 12th and has he said to everyone in the meeting he will be getting his sons for his birthday! It took alot to not cry right then and there! I just love that. What an amazing gift they will be!

The last thing that I want to say is just again how amazing the body of Christ is, never in our lives have we felt so covered in prayer. It has increased our faith, and blessed us more then we could ever have anticipated. People have been so giving and self sacrificing its truly humbling. We continue to covet and appreciate your prayers as we are heading into this very excited month!

We love all of you so much!

Not my plans or theirs

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Last Friday we were asked to attend a treatment team meeting for the boys it was suppose to be just a very low key meeting no big things discussed a quick in out type of thing.

So Tuesday Charlie and I got ready and headed off, we discussed in the car how we were going to go a head and talk to them about some concerns we had about them prolonging some of the other meetings and not really feeling like they were making this a priority.

So here is the picture we go up to the office door I see our case worker through the window standing there she looks like she was throwing stuff but we were not sure what was going on so we walked in and the first thing I see is two ADORABLE little boys playing catch with her........ and then I see their foster mom who is our boys foster mother and then I really looked at the boys and it really clicked that these were our boys?!?!?! They were precious and it took everything that I had not to cry, throw up, or grab them and hold them and kiss them. Instead we just stood there for a second and the case worker also was a little taken aback " turns out the case worker and therapist had totally forgotten that we were coming to this meeting and the boys had a therapist meeting that morning so thats why we all ended up in the same room at the same time. So the case worker asked us to play ball and we did, not very much at all was said we mostly just played. We talked a little about soccer with the our oldest " I like saying that" and our little one didnt say much at all. But though there was little words there was huge eye contact and sizing up. Even though no body said these are the people adopting you we really felt like Robert had a good idea of who we were. And we went through different attitudes just in the 15 minutes we were with them at first he was stand offish, then he included us, then he was aggressive with me, by the way he was throwing the ball and then he was playfull.

It was hard and scary and wonderful. We went back into our meeting after the therapist came out saw that we were there and had a minor freak out, and when we got back there we discussed how it went how she was so sorry that she forgot about us coming and what this Saturday might look like. We are still going to go and we really think that our oldest will be even more aware that we are going to be their parents, but thats ok even though the therapist was freaking and saying we are putting the cart before the horse and so on and so on. Charlie and I KNOW that what is taking place isnt our plan or their plans but its the Lords plan He knows why this happened and He is going to use it. We are excited to see what comes of this. Already the staff decided that we have to move everything up and get everything going very quickly since the boys are putting 2 and 2 together, which thrills me to say the least!

Our next meeting is this Tuesday and we will set up the visitations and get this thing going!!

Thank you all for you love and support please continue to join us in prayer for a smooth transition and for the health and salvation of our boys!

We get to meet them!!!

So I got a phone call today from the boy's worker and she said that she thought that we should be the boys in a non threatening invirement. So we are going to go to a function and the foster parents will introduce us as their good friends and we will just have a chance to hang out, and then that way when they give the boys the coming home books with our pictures in it they will not so intimidated because we will be a familiar face. "Thats the theory"

So The pressure is on....... This only work if they like us right off the bat and have fun other wise it could make things harder. While Im so stinken siked to meet them how am I going to hold it together? Im meeting my SONS for the first time and its hey how you doing want to play a game and get an ice cream with no mention of anything else? YIKES!

Please please please pray. We are thrilled and so scared. The meeting is may 8th

Our meetings

This last week has been so crazy! We had two full disclosure meetings one on Monday and one on Tuesday. Mondays went pretty well they basically just covered the past any info they had about the bio parents and the reason for the boys being taking out of the home. Really wasn't to intimidating or excited pretty much just the facts. And then there was Tuesday. That was a rough day! We went over everything that hast to do with the boys now, we spoke with the therapists, foster parents, and social workers. They proceeded to give us the run down on everything that is wrong with them, how terrible they can be, and how they do not want to be adopted and how hard it is going to be for us and them, but let me just say I LOVE my hubby! Because after we had listend to what they had to say he simpled said ok so you have said all the bad stuff now for our sakes can we hear some good things about them? The room went quite for a second and finally the foster parents spoke up and told us how lovable they can be. How much joy they can get out of helping out around the house and helping to build things, how there little loughs can just brighten your day! Finally we heard about who they really are not just how they can act out because they are confused and in pain. We had our time to ask questions and we got answers to some of them.

We are waiting again for another two weeks because one of the therapists "needs" to be on vacation and so we should all just wait on her...... Sorry but Im not thrilled about that one.

Once she gets back from the very necessary trip... We will have a calendar staffing which is where we will all will determine the schedule of visits. first we will go to the foster parents home for dinner, and then maybe they will come to our home, then Charlie and I will take them out for the day, then they will spend the night and then finally they will come HOME!

my heart is aching to just be done with the paper work and to start raising our family! Gods timing is perfect but so hard some times.

Monday and Tuesday!

Ok so we have two more meetings coming up one on monday and one on tuesday and we would just like to ask for prayer as we go into these meetings. That we would have clarity of mind, and peaceful hearts. Also that if its God will we have been praying that the boys would be in our home to stay by June 1st, and we may be discussing that at the meetings so we just praying that we would be able to speed up the process a little bit!

Thank you to all of you that have been so faithful to pray for us and our growing family!

Easter

What a blessing yesturday was! We had a very nice day! Sunrise service was so beautiful and warm and it was just awesome to see all the people that came forward yesturday and excepted the Lord as their savior :) After service we went to breakfast with some very close friends that are more family really. And then it was off to take a nap! Afte we joined my family at my parents home for a really good lunch and some family time!

Charlie and I were talking later on in the day though about how we both just felt distracted during the whole time and while we were so enjoyiing the rembering of what our Lord and Savior did for us, and celebrating with our family we just kept thinking about our boys. What were they doing? where they having fun? What did they think easter was all about? What would next easter look like at sunrise service with to little boys? We are just at the point where pratty much everything we do we cant help but to think about those two little guys. We are already worrying if they are ok and safe, happy and healthy.

How great the Fathers love must be for us! To think about the love that we already have for these boy that we are yet to meet, and to think that it will never even compare to the the way that the Lord loves us! Sacraficing His son for us, taking care of our needs continually forgiving our sins. Im just in awe of the amount of love that He has for children and the way that He shows it daily!

Our last meeting

Ok, so I'm sorry its taken me a little while to write about the last meeting in part its because there was SOOOO much to process and well sorry to say not to much to tell! I know that doesn't sound right but.... its the truth! We learned some things that are confidential, and the other stuff Im just not to sure what say about it. Let me give you a picture though of how it went. We got there a little early so we waited in a government office and those of you that are familiar with the setting know that there is no being comfortable and at ease! Next a couple walk in and tell the receptionist that they are there for a meeting for THEIR boys ________ and ______________...my heart started going about a million miles an hour and thoughts started flying through my head, and I thought about just being quite and waiting for the meeting but then I opted to be myself and open my big mouth. And so I simply asked so your here for BIP for the boys eh? And the man said yes and were guessing you guys are the ones that want to adopt them and charlie said yes. And they introduced them selves as the foster parents and said that they were scared and excited for the boys, and the questions and thoughts in my head just started to go.......why are you not adopting them? Are you going to change your minds and end up hurting us? What should I say and not say to you? I had know stinken Idea you were going to be here! I wish we were properly prepared for this meeting if only our case worker would have told me I would be meeting the women that has been raising my sons for the past two years!Of course thats all in the inside on the out side was a calm smile and polite talk about the weather.

shortly after we went into our meeting, including our selves there was 12 people around this huge table there was brief intros, and then the boy's therapist began the run down of the list of issues and qualities that each of the boys have most we had heard before and some where a little bit of a surprise

I have to say the only thing that continues to bother me is that they so bluntly said THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ADOPTED. They think that the home they are in is there home and that their foster parents are their parents.... My heart broke.Doubts started to come and then... I stopped thinking about my self and my dreams and started to think about the boys and the dreams they have already lost and realized that what they are feeling is a good thing and its ok. They have ATTACHED to some one! Thats a good thing! And I remebered all that Charlie and I have been through and that The Lord has been so faithful to bring us through and that HE is the one that changes hearts and that my job as their future mother is to be in prayer for the hearts of my children and that is what I am doing and where I am at. We are praying daily for our boys and trusting that God will work in their little hearts and help them to get through what is going to be a really hard time for all of us. I remane excited and long for the day to have to them home.

We have two more meetings in april one on 19th and then the next day on the 20th

trying to prepare

So I keep trying to prepare my self for our meeting tomorrow and I cant even figure out how! Usually i kinda visualize different sinarios and how I might respond and nope cant do it! Its funny Im at a complete loss on how to prepare for any of this and I am really fighting feeling of fear, panick and nausia. I know this is in the Lords hands Im just having a hard time laying it at his feet!

Please pray for peace, wisdom and discernment.

Best interest placement = more waiting

Wait on the Lord Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say on the Lord. Palms 27:14.
OK so we have a big meeting coming up its a week from tomorrow "3-24-10", basically its a chance for all of the kids workers to meet us and get a good feel for us to see if we are the same people in person that we are on paper! Plus to make sure that our personalities are a good thing for the boys. If everything gos well at that meeting we will have a full disclosure meeting within 2 weeks after that, and then we have have to take a min of 72 hours and a max of two weeks to make our final decision to move forward with the adoption during that time we are suppose to be calling teachers and therapists and a whole list that they will give us to get a better idea about who these kids really are. If we decide to continue after that, and I am pretty confident we will unless the Lord totally reveals something to us, then we will work on getting them home, they said it should be about a month long process of visits, phone calls and yes as always waiting:). This has not been easy in fact its been down right hard, and there has been so many fears and worries and things that come up in everyday life that really at times can make me doubt that this will ever happen, but at the same time with every doubt and fear God has been so faithful to remind me of His grace, love and mercy! He has truly been revealing Himself to me as my father and I am so thankful for that!

Yesterday we had the opportunity to go to joy junction and serve the homeless! I have to say it was kinda rough, Charlie and I have both been there a couple of times before and for some reason it was harder, it just seemed darker. I was so saddened by a little girl who told me that her daddy and brother were not there with her,because he had his own house and she and her mother and sister had to stay there at the shelter by themselves! It broke my heart. We put on a skit and puppet show for the kiddos as well as had a little message and looking out at the people they were so hardened and hurt. One of the blessing though was this women who came up and asked for prayer for herself she asked if we would pray that she would stay strong and not go back to the wrong tipe of people and stay away from drugs, she also rededicated her life and that was so awesome I was thrilled for her but also new she had a long road ahead of her!

I think that one of the reasons it was hard for charlie and I is being that we are adopting from foster care there is a very real possibility that our children's parents, or some one from there family could have been there. It just made the reality of where our kids are coming from so real.

Resources

I'm have been so blessed by the amount of things that God has brought our way. As adoptive parents we are going to be facing some different challenges and we want to be wise with what we take into consideration for our future kids and with all of the advice and suggested books that the state has given us I have really felt like it would be wise to first really dig into any christian resources that we can find. I was very happy to find yesterday that the focus on the family web site has alot of advise and things to consider for families of older adoptive children, and I really liked what it had to say. So if you would like to get a feel as to what we are going to be working with and how things might look for us based on the different challenges that our kids might have this would be a good place to get an idea from: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/adoptive_families.aspx

3rd Trimester

I feel like I'm in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. I hear women talking about how once they get to that point its like alright already I'm ready to be done and to meet my baby! But they also know that it is for the very best of the child that they do wait and that the baby is healthy. And I think that is the easiest way for me to think about all of this. I'm ready to be done but these kiddos are totally worth the wait! according to our social worker it looks like we should start having visitations mid April and then bring them home late may. Lord willing everything gos according to plan And if its HIS plan it will!

my first go at digital scrapbooking!

How I felt while I waited and continue to wait

This is something I wrote in my paper journal before we got the call saying that yes we have been chosen!!

I'm jumping at every ring of the phone my heart beats a million miles a minute my hands tremble my voice shakes and my mind races.

Never did I think it would be this hard I don't know them I haven't heard there voices or even been told all about them yet but.....I love them I wanted to hold them I want to tell them I love them, to put them to bed and read to them. I want to assure them I will always be there.

I want to cook for them and take them to the park I want. I want to teach them and instruct them. I want to show them Jesus. I want to be apart of healing all of the wounds from there past. I want to watch my husband love them, play with them and teach them. I long for the call that says we are chosen we are the ones that get the honor of saying these are our sons that phrase alone brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. oh to hear them giggle at night when they should be sleeping to watch them grow and change even to deal with all of the hard times I would rather have my heart broken with them then to not and not have them.


How excited we are that they have chosen us! There is still a process a head of us and and Im quite confident there is still a ton of emotions to deal with as things come, but The Lord as been and I know He will continue to be so faithful and we are so blessed that He is the one in control and is making Himself known through all of this!

who is your valentine?

Yesturday, I was so amazingly blessed!! A dear frined, my mom, and I had a valentine tea for the ladies in our home fellowship group and it was just amazing, its funny how when you plan on blessing some one they usually end up being the bigger blessing to you! It was such a wonderful time of fellowship and true vulnerability talking, crying laughing and worshiping. I was asked to give a deco aswell, which I have to say was very humbling to be asked to teach a group of women that I so look up to and admire, but God is good and I think layed on my heart what He wanted to ladies to hear. It was just so awesome and I am still so excited about it all! I thought I would share the teaching that I gave and I hope that it is a blessing to you aswell!



For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth

I remember when I was younger probably about 15 or 16 I use to love to have girl friends over Usually it was my best friend Alina and usually she would end up spending the night and we would end up talking and doing a devo or having prayer time and one of things that I use to love to do is get a couple of my teacups that I had carefully put a way in my room and serve us tea in it. For some reason it just made it all the more special! A tea cup can make almost any thing more special, as women we can be compared to a tea cup. I think that, that is the way that God see’s us we are beautiful to him, precious, and to be held gently with pride and to be treasured, breakable yes if dropped and mistreated but also incredibly strong.

Usually during the course of the night with my friend at some point future husbands came up and we would talk and giggle about our hopes and dreams, but one thing was so consistent we wanted them to be Godly leaders, but we were also your typical teenage girls… hopeless romantics and another thing that stayed consistent is we were always brought back to the thought that God is our husband and we would talk about how special we were to have such a romantic amazing husband! As time goes by I think we tend to, all of us married or not to forget that He is our husband and that we truly are in the greatest romance ever written.

I am blessed The Lord gave me the man that I prayed for and how I love him and treasure him. He is however human and our relationship is not perfect, and it is not fair of me to expect him to meet all my needs that is not his job. It is my job to look to God for my need to be met.

Some of the top complaints from women about there husband:
1. They are not understanding enough.
2. They are not sensitive to feelings and needs.
3: They do not listen well
4. They are not affectionate enough.
5. They do not communicate enough. They do not express their feelings and thoughts.

How God meets our needs!

1:For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And [that] my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, [And] skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When [as yet there were] none of them.

2:You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.

3.For [there is] not a word on my tongue, [But] behold, O LORD, You know it altogether
.
4:You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
[Such] knowledge [is] too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot [attain] it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?

5:How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! [If] I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;


So now we have the reminder God is our husband he is our provider and he does meet all our needs. And what do we do with this reminder? We put our trust in it!

I just finished the book of Romans a couple of weeks ago and I really felt God leading me to psalms and something that keeps coming up over and over and that keeps sticking out to me….probably a good indicator on what God wants to work on in me is the word TRUST in psalms alone its used 77 times in the whole bible its used 147 times. One definition of trust is: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, and surety, of a person or thing. David says those who know your name will put there trust in you .Psalm 9:10
God wants our trust, and as his bride he deserves it.

update

Update on the adoption we are now having to wait till Monday or Tuesday due to the fact that cyfd is way understaff and have been made to take days off because of budget cuts. These people need lots of prayer they are over worked under payed and over stressed!

Perspective

Its a late night in our house tonight. This is a hugly busy week for us my husband has a ton going on with work, school, and job fairs. Im helping plan a tea for a group of women as well as giving the devo and we are suppose to hear this Friday from the adoption agency if we have been chosen or not for the boys that we want. With all of that coming up my hubby came home monday with a pretty bad cold and he has been pretty sick ever since I mean he is getting no sleep and his nose and throat hurt so much he is just beside himself. So needless to say I am a little stressed, over whelmed and upset. I have been praying and praying that he would be heald and saying things like WHY on a week like this do we have to go through this!!

So since I am up and have nothing really to do I decided to check my email and what do I find an update from prison alert (a ministry of voice of the martyrs)http://www.prisoneralert.com/ and as I read the email I see pic after pic of people all over this world that are being inprisoned all because they wanted to worship Jesus and share His everlasting love, while reading the letter I tried to invision my self telling one of those people of my "trials and tribulation" and thought how silly it would sound to some one who is faceing death all because they went to church, something I take for granted weekly.