We get to meet them!!!

So I got a phone call today from the boy's worker and she said that she thought that we should be the boys in a non threatening invirement. So we are going to go to a function and the foster parents will introduce us as their good friends and we will just have a chance to hang out, and then that way when they give the boys the coming home books with our pictures in it they will not so intimidated because we will be a familiar face. "Thats the theory"

So The pressure is on....... This only work if they like us right off the bat and have fun other wise it could make things harder. While Im so stinken siked to meet them how am I going to hold it together? Im meeting my SONS for the first time and its hey how you doing want to play a game and get an ice cream with no mention of anything else? YIKES!

Please please please pray. We are thrilled and so scared. The meeting is may 8th

Our meetings

This last week has been so crazy! We had two full disclosure meetings one on Monday and one on Tuesday. Mondays went pretty well they basically just covered the past any info they had about the bio parents and the reason for the boys being taking out of the home. Really wasn't to intimidating or excited pretty much just the facts. And then there was Tuesday. That was a rough day! We went over everything that hast to do with the boys now, we spoke with the therapists, foster parents, and social workers. They proceeded to give us the run down on everything that is wrong with them, how terrible they can be, and how they do not want to be adopted and how hard it is going to be for us and them, but let me just say I LOVE my hubby! Because after we had listend to what they had to say he simpled said ok so you have said all the bad stuff now for our sakes can we hear some good things about them? The room went quite for a second and finally the foster parents spoke up and told us how lovable they can be. How much joy they can get out of helping out around the house and helping to build things, how there little loughs can just brighten your day! Finally we heard about who they really are not just how they can act out because they are confused and in pain. We had our time to ask questions and we got answers to some of them.

We are waiting again for another two weeks because one of the therapists "needs" to be on vacation and so we should all just wait on her...... Sorry but Im not thrilled about that one.

Once she gets back from the very necessary trip... We will have a calendar staffing which is where we will all will determine the schedule of visits. first we will go to the foster parents home for dinner, and then maybe they will come to our home, then Charlie and I will take them out for the day, then they will spend the night and then finally they will come HOME!

my heart is aching to just be done with the paper work and to start raising our family! Gods timing is perfect but so hard some times.

Monday and Tuesday!

Ok so we have two more meetings coming up one on monday and one on tuesday and we would just like to ask for prayer as we go into these meetings. That we would have clarity of mind, and peaceful hearts. Also that if its God will we have been praying that the boys would be in our home to stay by June 1st, and we may be discussing that at the meetings so we just praying that we would be able to speed up the process a little bit!

Thank you to all of you that have been so faithful to pray for us and our growing family!

Easter

What a blessing yesturday was! We had a very nice day! Sunrise service was so beautiful and warm and it was just awesome to see all the people that came forward yesturday and excepted the Lord as their savior :) After service we went to breakfast with some very close friends that are more family really. And then it was off to take a nap! Afte we joined my family at my parents home for a really good lunch and some family time!

Charlie and I were talking later on in the day though about how we both just felt distracted during the whole time and while we were so enjoyiing the rembering of what our Lord and Savior did for us, and celebrating with our family we just kept thinking about our boys. What were they doing? where they having fun? What did they think easter was all about? What would next easter look like at sunrise service with to little boys? We are just at the point where pratty much everything we do we cant help but to think about those two little guys. We are already worrying if they are ok and safe, happy and healthy.

How great the Fathers love must be for us! To think about the love that we already have for these boy that we are yet to meet, and to think that it will never even compare to the the way that the Lord loves us! Sacraficing His son for us, taking care of our needs continually forgiving our sins. Im just in awe of the amount of love that He has for children and the way that He shows it daily!

Our last meeting

Ok, so I'm sorry its taken me a little while to write about the last meeting in part its because there was SOOOO much to process and well sorry to say not to much to tell! I know that doesn't sound right but.... its the truth! We learned some things that are confidential, and the other stuff Im just not to sure what say about it. Let me give you a picture though of how it went. We got there a little early so we waited in a government office and those of you that are familiar with the setting know that there is no being comfortable and at ease! Next a couple walk in and tell the receptionist that they are there for a meeting for THEIR boys ________ and ______________...my heart started going about a million miles an hour and thoughts started flying through my head, and I thought about just being quite and waiting for the meeting but then I opted to be myself and open my big mouth. And so I simply asked so your here for BIP for the boys eh? And the man said yes and were guessing you guys are the ones that want to adopt them and charlie said yes. And they introduced them selves as the foster parents and said that they were scared and excited for the boys, and the questions and thoughts in my head just started to go.......why are you not adopting them? Are you going to change your minds and end up hurting us? What should I say and not say to you? I had know stinken Idea you were going to be here! I wish we were properly prepared for this meeting if only our case worker would have told me I would be meeting the women that has been raising my sons for the past two years!Of course thats all in the inside on the out side was a calm smile and polite talk about the weather.

shortly after we went into our meeting, including our selves there was 12 people around this huge table there was brief intros, and then the boy's therapist began the run down of the list of issues and qualities that each of the boys have most we had heard before and some where a little bit of a surprise

I have to say the only thing that continues to bother me is that they so bluntly said THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ADOPTED. They think that the home they are in is there home and that their foster parents are their parents.... My heart broke.Doubts started to come and then... I stopped thinking about my self and my dreams and started to think about the boys and the dreams they have already lost and realized that what they are feeling is a good thing and its ok. They have ATTACHED to some one! Thats a good thing! And I remebered all that Charlie and I have been through and that The Lord has been so faithful to bring us through and that HE is the one that changes hearts and that my job as their future mother is to be in prayer for the hearts of my children and that is what I am doing and where I am at. We are praying daily for our boys and trusting that God will work in their little hearts and help them to get through what is going to be a really hard time for all of us. I remane excited and long for the day to have to them home.

We have two more meetings in april one on 19th and then the next day on the 20th

trying to prepare

So I keep trying to prepare my self for our meeting tomorrow and I cant even figure out how! Usually i kinda visualize different sinarios and how I might respond and nope cant do it! Its funny Im at a complete loss on how to prepare for any of this and I am really fighting feeling of fear, panick and nausia. I know this is in the Lords hands Im just having a hard time laying it at his feet!

Please pray for peace, wisdom and discernment.

Best interest placement = more waiting

Wait on the Lord Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say on the Lord. Palms 27:14.
OK so we have a big meeting coming up its a week from tomorrow "3-24-10", basically its a chance for all of the kids workers to meet us and get a good feel for us to see if we are the same people in person that we are on paper! Plus to make sure that our personalities are a good thing for the boys. If everything gos well at that meeting we will have a full disclosure meeting within 2 weeks after that, and then we have have to take a min of 72 hours and a max of two weeks to make our final decision to move forward with the adoption during that time we are suppose to be calling teachers and therapists and a whole list that they will give us to get a better idea about who these kids really are. If we decide to continue after that, and I am pretty confident we will unless the Lord totally reveals something to us, then we will work on getting them home, they said it should be about a month long process of visits, phone calls and yes as always waiting:). This has not been easy in fact its been down right hard, and there has been so many fears and worries and things that come up in everyday life that really at times can make me doubt that this will ever happen, but at the same time with every doubt and fear God has been so faithful to remind me of His grace, love and mercy! He has truly been revealing Himself to me as my father and I am so thankful for that!